• 25
  • October
    2011

Unfortunately, the loss and pain typical of a divorce negatively affects children and leaves long-lasting scars. Therapists have recently expressed concern about what they are seeing as couples go through divorce in various parts of the country including Salt Lake City. Hostility is increasing and more parents place their children in the middle of the conflict.

Nancy Garon, a therapist and founder of the National Family Resilience Center and colleagues at a recent conference of fellow therapists discussed what can be done to reduce conflict and return the focus to the children during the divorce process. They noted that parents must remain focused on the needs of their children during the conflict.

The Best Interests of the Children

The Utah Courts are required to always keep in mind the best interests of the children when making child custody determinations. The court considers the past conduct and moral standards of each parent, which parent is likely to act in the best interests of the child and allow the child contact with the noncustodial parent and the bond between parent and child.

The Court must consider joint custody in every case. However, if the parents cannot communicate with each other it is unlikely that an equal parenting time schedule will work.

Tips to Focus on the Needs of the Children

Garon recommends following these tips during a divorce to keep the focus on the needs of the children.

  • Parents should explain the transition in ways that are easy for the children to understand. Reinforce to your children that they are loved by both parents and should continue to love each parent.
  • Ask the children questions and listen. Parents should look for a therapist, if children are having a difficult time with the adjustment.
  • Each parent needs to listen to their children before making any decisions about school, activities, religion and parenting time. Various tools are available to help create a co-parenting schedule.
  • Avoid violent language and hostility and take the "high road" to facilitate healthy adjustment for your children. Do not discuss details of the divorce or say negative things about the other parent.

Parents need to maintain the focus on the needs of their children during the divorce process and must shield children from the divorce details and negativity toward the other parent.

Source: 7 Tips to Promote a Sane and Child Focused Divorce